2.09.2016

What i've learned -- in my 2 years of marriage.

First, and foremost.
I am by no means a person to be giving any marital advice, that is NOT what this post is.
It's just me sharing what i've experienced & learned  in my 2 years of marriage,
 after making mistakes and doing a little trial and error. 
My hope is maybe that it will help someone who may be experiencing the same things,
to know they are not alone,
or prevent them from experiencing some of the hardships of marriage that can be avoided.



Let's get started....
There is no such thing as perfect people, 
which means there is no such thing as a perfect marriage/relationship.
So to everyone watching romance movies and reading romance novels
 and expecting that to be your future, keep crying ladies, because perfect men do not exist.
Neither do perfect women, so go ahead and set your tiara down.

We as humans have a sinful nature, and that's that.

My husband and I dated a good 7-8 years before we made the decision to get married.
I mean, I thought I knew everything there possibly was to know about him...WRONG.
We had never lived together previously...and good God almighty you learn A LOT about a person after living with them.

For instance, Kyle's learned that I always leave the bathroom messy, especially the sink.
I'm an extremely messy teeth brusher and it drives him absolutely nuts.
Not to mention all of the clothes I tried on for the day, those are all on the floor. 

And I've learned that men are incapable of wiping off the counter/sink after they shave.
Kyle is somewhat of a clean freak (which I love) BUT for some unknown reason
he does not mind his facial hair sitting in our sink for days on end. 

(needless to say our bathroom is repulsive...ha! totally kidding I actually cleaned it yesterday)

Those of course are silly/little examples that you learn to work on for the sake of your spouse.



Kyle and I had a pretty great & easy going first year of marriage,
I remember people always telling/warning us,
 "Ohhhh the first year is the toughest, Just stay strong, you'll get through it"
and I always remember thinking during our first year....
"Dang, if this is what people consider tough then we're going to be the happiest couple alive."

Fast forward to our second year...
"OHHHHH this is what they were talking about!"
Marriage is such a beautiful and amazing gift that God has given us,
but it's also a lot of hard work.

There will be days when you want to physically strangle your significant other...
and it's all up to you to not act on that desire (haha laugh, its a joke --- kind of)


Now i'm not saying EVERY single one of you will experience these struggles, 
but let me just warn you that not one person is exempt from them.

There will be times in your marriage when you will struggle financially,
There will be times in your marriage when you will struggle with time management,
There will be times in your marriage when you will struggle with freedom,
There will be times in your marriage when you will struggle with temptation,
There will be times in your marriage when you will struggle with selfishness,
There will be times in your marriage when you will struggle with feeling alone,
There will be times in your marriage when you will struggle with household chores,
There will be times in your marriage when you will struggle with in laws/ family members,
There will be times in your marriage when you will struggle with deaths,
There will be times in your marriage when you will struggle with heart ache, 
There will be times in your marriage when you will struggle with picking up your socks off the floor...
And consider yourself one of the lucky ones if you only experience one of these at a time.
Because, they sure as hell can all hit you at once,
 and that's only a short list of all of the possible struggles....

But guess what?! It's ALL worth it. 
Whether you're married or not, relationships are hard work, 
and to those people that say, 
"if it's true love it shouldn't be work at all"
they can all go shove that sentence up their butt because they don't know what they're talking about,
or they've just never been in a serious long term relationship before. 

I'm not saying it's always hard work y'all.
Loving Kyle comes very easy the majority of the time.
He's handsome, he's caring, he's giving, he's faithful, he's a hard worker...
I could go on and on about the qualities I adore about him. 

 But one of the most important things I have learned these last 2 years is about myself.
I've finally learned after 26 years that I cannot rely on a man for everything.
God gave us a partner to enjoy and do life with but not to BE our life.
As soon as you start relying on your spouse to be EVERYthing for you, 
you are going to find yourself VERY unhappy.
People are flawed, 
no man/woman will have every single little quality on your "perfect spouse" check list, 
You have to be happy with yourself, and your life before you can truly be happy with your spouse.

You have to find your purpose outside of just being a wife.
And that was one thing I really struggled with this 2nd year of marriage.

Yes I own a business, I work from home, where I'm alone, by myself, all day, every day.
and y'all that's TOUGH. 
I remember being in high school and just wanting to be a stay at home mom, 
or having a job where I could work from home...that was MY DREAM y'all.

And fast forward to now, I'm literally living my dream and i've never been so unhappy. 
But that's okay. Because i've finally learned what's causing that sadness and guess what?
It's NOT my husband!!!!
It's ME.

I am a very social person, I need people, I need communication, I need physical affection, I need to be challenged, I need to have a goal i'm working toward.  
Working from home I get absolutely ZERO of that, and by the time Kyle came home from work every day I was absolutely desperate for all of it...and he was exhausted and just wanted a few minutes to himself. 
This my friends, is a very dangerous path...
Now i'm not going to get into all the details... but if you aren't happy with yourself it can cause you to blame others for your unhappiness. 
It may have taken me a lot longer than I would have hoped but i've finally come to the realization
that it's not my husband that's not giving me enough,
it's me expecting him to give me EVERYTHING, and then being upset when he isn't able too.

You CANNOT rely on your spouse to fulfill your every want and need at all times. 
This is what you have God, family and friends for. 

Happiness starts with YOU, 
not your relationships, not with your job, not with your money, but with YOU.
I'm so thankful for a God who shows me that i'm capable of so much more than I think I am. 
Who loves me though I fail him every day,
Who sees the depths of my heart and loves me the same.

"I will praise you in this storm. I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away."

Life is all about learning & growing and becoming better than you were yesterday.
And I can't wait to see where God takes Kyle and I the next 100  (give or take a few) years we have together...



1 comment:

  1. I love this and it's so, so true..Couldn't have put it better myself!! I've been quite unhappy the last few months and changing jobs definitely helped, but I realized that I need to stop complaining and waiting for someone (aka hubby) to magically "make me happy". I need to set and accomplish my own happiness goals outside of our marriage. I totally thought I was already doing that but I was really just fooling myself and making lame excuses.

    Cheers to us growing :)

    Also...we've only been married for 8 months, but we lived together for 2 years before that so I got to learn all the fun facial-hair-everywhere stuff early on...I should have warned you haha

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