8.25.2017

First Trimester Fears (that no one warned me about)

(photo taken at 9 weeks)

So the glorious day has come to an end,
the day you saw those two lines, or the words "yes+" or "pregnant" on that stick...
The day you may or may not have realized,
 "oh my freaking gosh, I'm going to be a mom"

The day I got my positive pregnancy test was easily one of the most
emotional/exciting/shocking/happiest days of my life.
It ranked up there with the proposal & wedding day.
But then there are those days/weeks/months to follow that no one really talks about,
The First Trimester.

Before you get pregnant, at least before I did,
I had a picture in my head of what my pregnancy would be like.
Whenever I envisioned the first trimester, all I pictured was
 happiness & extreme excitement, maybe a little nerves, but mostly positive thoughts,
and of course lots of planning and so much excitement and eagerness to share the good news.

Well my friends...although my first trimester was full of happiness,
it was also full of fear, worry, negative thoughts, and guilt....
Basically just a bunch of things that aren't fun and that no one likes to talk about or admit to feeling.

I remember the first few days I felt like I couldn't be excited,
it was too early, anything could happen.
I remember the first few days I also felt a sense of guilt,
I didnt "feel" like I always thought I would feel.
I didn't immediately feel like a mom, I didn't feel connected to this tiny thing growing inside of me.

I remember the first 9 days after finding out, I would always say to myself...
"Even if something bad does happen, at least I know now that I CAN get pregnant"
And then came the 10th day....
All I did was cry, I felt SO anxious and terrified all day long.
That "tiny thing" that was growing inside of me was no longer a "thing" 
it was now e v e r y t h i n g.
On the 10th day I felt like a mom, on the 10th day all I could do was worry.
That feeling of "Even if something bad does happen it'll be okay" was quickly replaced with
"I can't lose this baby. Lord, please protect my baby"

SIDE NOTE: I'm not saying that this will happen on the 10th day for everyone. Hell, some of you may immediately have that feeling once you see that positive test, and for some it may come later. And guess what? No matter when it happens for you, IT'S NORMAL and completely OKAY!

I never knew that once I came to the realization that this was all real and happening,
 I would immediately be filled with fear of losing my baby and it all ending too quickly.
Fear consumed my mind pretty steadily the first few weeks,
which made those first weeks of my pregnancy SO hard to enjoy.

Thankfully, I had people to talk too and confide in and they had really great words of advice for me.
I was reminded that fear and worry don't come from the Lord,
If (God forbid) something bad was going to happen, like losing the baby,
the Lord wouldn't prepare me by filling me with fear/worry.
That's just not how God works.
I was also reminded by a sweet friend who was also pregnant,
that I won't ever get these first few weeks of being newly pregnant [with my first babe] back ever again.
So soak it all up, enjoy it, and push fear and worry to the side until there's REALLY a reason for it.

Being able to talk to people so early on during my pregnancy was HUGE for me.
I know a lot of people frown upon sharing the news until you're further along,
but I chose to tell (pretty much) all of our family almost right away,
and I don't regret it one bit.

Being able to vocalize my fears with women and people other than my husband was extremely therapeutic.
I was SO blessed to have a friend who was also pregnant with her first baby,
but a little further along than me to talk too and share my thoughts and worries with.
She was a HUGE comfort to me and I am unbelievably grateful I had her.

I guess my reasoning for this post was just to shed some light on the fears
that come along with the first trimester, that maybe not everyone deals with,
but for those of us that do it's nice not to feel alone,
 and to have someone help encourage you to get past those fears and put your trust in the Lord.

Just know that feeling afraid is normal,
BUT it's not good for you or the baby.
So whatever you gotta do to help you relax, DO IT.
Pray, do yoga, call your mom, take a {safely warm} bath.
Whatever it is, figure out what calms you and keep on keepin' on!
Your body will typically make it VERY clear if something is wrong,
so until that happens push all the worrying to the side and
ENJOY the amazing life growing inside of you.

3 comments:

  1. Galilea & I Love you!
    Sorry we missed each other last time you were at plaza.
    Beautiful pictures of the family 💜

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  2. This is so refreshing to read! I had a miscarriage in my first pregnancy at 7 weeks and am currently almost 14 weeks pregnant with my little rainbow baby. Talk about anxiety, fear, and not enjoying the first few MONTHS of pregnancy! It's nice to know I'm not alone but that we must lean on God. I am so happy for you! I'll be praying for your pregnancy to continue on without a hiccup ❤️

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  3. I worry worry worry as well, through the whole pregnancy, and then when the baby arrives I worry even more! You hear of things going wrong all the time thanks to the Internet, but my doc and our pediatrician both say that usually things go perfectly and you really should try to enjoy this time. Easier said than done sometimes, but it's nice to hear. Good luck with your new, exciting journey!

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