A Year Ago Today…

A year ago today I got real personal with y’all.
A year ago today I opened up and shared that Kyle and I had been struggling to get pregnant.
(see that post here)
It was one of the scariest things I have ever done.
One day something just came over me, and I knew God wanted me to share my story.
I wasn’t sure why, and as I sit here typing this, with my baby boy kicking and doing flips in my tummy, I’m even more confused as to why God put it on my heart to share.
I would be lying if I sat here and told y’all that there aren’t times that I regret sharing.
If I had known that I would become pregnant just 7 months later I would have never shared my story…
because frankly, there’s a big part of me that feels guilty for being pregnant
while so many of you are still feeling the pain that I was feeling just last year.

I remember writing the post and feeling so worried about what people were going to think.
I didn’t want sympathy from anyone, and I honestly didn’t want anyone to tell me,
“It’ll be okay” or “You’ll be a mom, just give it time”
Although in my case those words have come to be true, that just wasn’t
what I needed or wanted to hear at that point in my life.
Not because I didn’t appreciate people trying to comfort me, but because these
people didn’t know what my future would hold. Although they are nice things to say,
no one really knew for sure if I would be okay or if I would be a mommy one day.

I was broken, sad, confused and felt alone.
It’s crazy because SO many people are opening up these days and sharing their stories.
(which is amazing and inspiring)
However, everyones story and situation is SO different.
So even if others may be going through a similar situation of trying to get pregnant,
it still almost feels like no one can relate, because everyones story, everyones body,
and everyones journey is just SO unique.

After opening up and sharing our story SO many of you reached out to me and
told me your personal stories and how you were struggling as well.
Even though our stories were all different, we all had the same desires,
and I felt like I had this small community of people who somewhat just “got it”.

Although I may not be a part of that “community” anymore,
I continue to pray for each of you every day.
I pray that my story gives you hope and not sadness or jealousy.
I pray that God will give you the grace to handle the cards you’ve been dealt,
the strength and faith to push forward and keep fighting for what you want,
and the wisdom to know when it’s time to just breathe, take a step back and give it all to Him.

Thanksgiving is a time to celebrate loved ones and be thankful for all that you have,
but I’m 100% aware that those desires of your heart are there and sometimes being around family and friends who seem to all be living out your dream can be daunting.
I know it’s SO difficult to put on a happy face when all you can think about is wanting to start a family of your own, and it feels like it’s happening for everyone around you.

Just know, whoever and wherever you are…
You’re being thought about today.
You’re being prayed for,
and You’re not forgotten or alone.

7 Comments

  1. November 22, 2017 / 3:16 pm

    <3 Your story matters! It is wonderful that you shared what you were going through at the time! I'm sure it has touched many other womens' lives!

  2. November 22, 2017 / 6:45 pm

    Between last night’s episode of “This Is Us” and reading your post, pregnancy with all its joys and struggles has been in front of my face today. I can’t imagine how you were feeling last year, but I fear someday I’ll experience something similar. You’re so right though that everyone’s body is different and everybody’s journey is different. I don’t know yet how my body will react during that stage of life, but it does give me hope when I hear stories like yours where you may have been feeling your lowest on your journey back then but now you have the greatest blessing to celebrate this Thanksgiving. Thank you for sharing your truth with us. <3

    • monicaleeee
      November 28, 2017 / 7:54 pm

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post Erin! Whatever your future holds, God will give you the grace to handle it. Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

  3. November 22, 2017 / 10:12 pm

    Beautiful post! To be honest, it’s one of the thoughts that sometimes come to my mind. What if the time comes, we can’t have kids…

  4. November 23, 2017 / 4:31 pm

    This is such a sweet post and beautifully written. I know how hard it is to put your heart out there, and I’m glad you did—if only to encourage even one person. Congrats on your sweet baby!

  5. November 23, 2017 / 10:05 pm

    Wow. It’s almost like you are speaking directly to me tonight. Thank you so much for this. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for almost a year and a half with no luck, and today has been tough. I really needed this encouragement today. Congratulations, mama. <3

    • monicaleeee
      November 28, 2017 / 7:53 pm

      Madison, I’m so happy you came across my post. I can SO relate with what you’re feeling and you’ll absolutely be in my thoughts and prayers!

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