Gods plan


It’s freaking HARD when Gods plan and timeline of your life looks completely different than what you wanted or hoped for. I’ve been having to remind myself a lot lately that it’s okay to feel frustrated or sad or angry about it. But also constantly trying to remember that His plans for our family will ALWAYS be greater than mine…ALWAYS. And that just because our babies will be further apart in age than I would’ve liked doesn’t mean they can’t still be super close and the best of friends. That’s been one of the hardest parts for me in trying for baby #2…I really really pictured it happening way sooner, I just KNEW we’d have 2 under 2 and it would be complete chaos but so perfect at the same time. I’ve always wanted a big close knit family, and for some reason it’s stuck in my head that if I don’t pop the babies all out back to back that they won’t be close…which I KNOW is so silly, but I can’t help but think that way.

I remember when we were trying for Hayes, I was SO excited to tell people that we were “trying” and I remember quite a few people telling me how excited they were for us but they weren’t quite ready to try yet…and I remember a lot of those same people getting pregnant, and having babies, and more babies before I was even pregnant with Hayes. That was HARD. Was I SO happy for them?? Hell yes!! But did it also remind me, “Hey, you’re still not pregnant and you started trying way before they were even thinking about trying and now they’re holding their precious baby in their arms!”?! Hell yes!

A lot of you have asked me to share more about trying for baby #2. It’s had it’s ups and downs. I’m mostly positive, but I definitely have days or moments where I just feel completely sad or defeated or forgotten or afraid of another 2+ year journey or just no journey at all. I think I’ve been scared to share about it because I DO NOT want anyone feeling sorry for us or thinking I’m asking for pitty. I am SO well aware of so many who are facing much more serious issues or who have even lost children. My hope is that one of you can resonate with my story and feel understood, I am in no way trying to act like I have a rough life or that I’m not thankful for what I’ve been given. I know the majority of you know this, it just makes me feel better to have it written out in case there’s that ONE person who reads this and takes away something negative from it.

Last year in September we were on our first BIG family vacation with Hayes, in Hawaii. He was around 7 months old and I remember always thinking “THIS, this is my favorite age so far” but Kyle and I tended to say that every month! haha We always had this plan that we would start trying for baby #2 as soon as Hayes was 9 months old, that way our babies would be 18 months apart and super close…the best of friends ya know?! I was going to start this post by saying it was around a year ago today that we started trying for baby #2, but there were a few months before that we had some “oopsies” and I remember hoping and praying “PLEASE Lord let it happen just by accident this time”. I think the hardest part for me this time around is just the fear of the next month, I find myself constantly saying “Okay, it didn’t happen this month but that’s okay…surely next month!” and then next month comes along and it’s the same story…Every single month since last November I have honestly had really high hopes and been pretty positive. I’m pretty sure I was CONVINCED that I was pregnant at least 10 out of the 13+ months we’ve been trying, like so convinced that I videoed while the test showed the result and the entire day before I was planning exactly how I was going to surprise Kyle.

I’m pretty sure most of you know this, but we tried for around two years with Hayes, I was basically told I have “unexplained infertility”, and I set up an appointment to go get everything checked out…a week before my appointment I got my first ever positive pregnancy test and it was absolutely INSANE..that after two years, not changing a single thing, I just all the sudden got pregnant. It was nuts, it didn’t make sense, but it happened and we have the most beautiful baby boy because of it.

I remember after having Hayes, everyone would always tell me, “Oh, you’ll get pregnant super quick the next time around! That always happens to people that struggled getting pregnant with the first!! The 2nd one just happens right away!” I know that does happen for a lot of people! I especially hear that happening when people choose to adopt, they find out they’re pregnant soon after! As much as I really did enjoy hearing that and thinking positive I definitely didn’t want to get my hopes up, and I was still prepared for it to take “a little while”. For all you enneagram lovers, I’m pretty sure I’m a 6, so I definitely tend to prepare for the worst, It’s a way of protecting myself. Needless to say, I was fully prepared for it to not happen right away.

Since I already had a baby I didn’t know what an appropriate time would be to go to the doctor or “worry”. I still didn’t have answers as to why it took so long to get pregnant with Hayes but I never want to just run to the doctor and be “that patient” when things don’t go my way…I don’t know if that even makes sense but hopefully y’all understand what I’m saying. lol

We had been REALLY trying for almost a year so I said screw it, I’m making an appointment…I went to see my doctor, who I absolutely love and trust! He assured me that he really thinks I’m fine, I’m young and im healthy and he said “You’re going to hate hearing this…but I really think it’s just bad luck that it hasn’t happened yet” I did hate that.

He said that we should do some tests and check my tubes just in case something might be in the way or blocking my tubes and preventing me from getting pregnant. So I went in a week or so later to get that procedure..sure enough my uterus and cervix were completely covered with polyps. There was NO way I was going to get pregnant with those polyps in there and he said if I did happen to get pregnant it would 100% end in miscarriage. So we scheduled a surgery to get them out ASAP. I remember being SO excited about the surgery, I had FINALLY found out what was wrong, I was FINALLY going to be able to get pregnant like a normal person!!!! He told me that my period should come back normal and we could start trying right away. I had the surgery, period came a few days later, and I was freaking PUMPED haha I actually shared about my surgery on instagram stories and it was insane how many of you messaged me saying you or your friend had the same exact surgery and ended up getting pregnant the next month!! I can’t even tell y’all how excited and anxious those messages got me. Those two weeks after trying were the lonnngggeeesstttt two weeks of my life. I actually thought I was pregnant. Like I was SURE of it. My boobs were hurting from the water pressure in the shower, I was cramping but they didn’t feel like period cramps etc…and my period was even two days late. BUT sure enough my period came and I took probably 10 pregnancy tests all throughout that week and they were all negative. I was REALLY mad. I was super frustrated with God. I remember before I started my period I just kept praying throughout the day “Please Lord, if I’m going to start my period just let it start now so I can stop getting my hopes up” I think I repeated that prayer 600 times. My period is never ever ever late. So when it showed up 2 days late I was just DONE and so frustrated.

I’m okay though!! Seeing that negative test is always difficult no matter how long you’ve been trying. I know that God has a plan for us. I know that whatever His plan is, that it’s perfect. So as of now, it’s all up to Him. I could get pregnant this month, I could get pregnant in two years, or it could be 5 years… and I need to be okay with that.  I’m trying to just accept the fact that I am not in control and HE is. Also reminding myself that He brought us Hayes at the most perfect timing and He can do that again with our next baby, even if it seems like (to me) that the perfect timing was a long time ago. So that’s kind of where I’m at! I think my biggest fear right now is that we’ll continue to get negative tests, which means the polyps weren’t the only issue. Once they found the polyps it was like Christmas morning because I finally knew what the problem was and it was fixable!!! (thank you Jesus) but of course there could be other underlying issue that we don’t know about which is really scary. I have moments of being totally okay and at peace with everything and then I have moments of being sad. I think that just comes with being a human though.

Thank you ALL so so much for thinking of me and us and for your prayers. Hopefully baby #2 will happen for us sooner rather than later. In the meantime i’ll be soaking as much one on one time with Hayes as possible, he’s already growing way too fast and I know things will change SO much once we do get pregnant with baby #2. From the messages I’ve received within the last few years, I know there are so many of you who are in the same boat as me or dealing with similar struggles. I also have a good amount of close friends and family members that are going through similar situations or way more difficult situations and it’s just H A R D, I can’t even pretend like I know what you all may be going through because everyones story is different.
All of our stories are unique but we’re all in this together!

Love y’all & your huge hearts, thanks for always loving so much on my little family.

Walmart – Best of Baby Month

Y’all know I’m ALL about savings and y’all also know I’m a big fan of Walmart!! I love the fact that they always have the best prices and ALWAYS seem to have exactly what I need, especially when it comes to things for Hayes!
Well, good news friends!! They are currently having Best of Baby Month, which means SO many amazing items are marked down right now.
This month they’re offering 30 days of online savings on top brands and more!!
They have tons and tons of absolute MUSTS for first time mamas or even mamas who are about to have their 2nd or 3rd baby. They’re also offering savings on items for moms like me who’s baby is… not so much a baby anymore *cue tears*.
I went ahead and made a list of all of my favorite items but you can shop everything HERE.

We’ve actually been on the hunt for some new bath toys for Hayes and they had THE coolest set available for Walmart Baby Month!! I’m not kidding guys..Hayes literally played with these in the tub for almost two hours.

Keep reading to see a list of my favorites! We own so many of these products and couldn’t imagine life without them. Others I linked because I would LOVE to have them when baby #2 comes around, or heck even now!

All of these have amazing ratings, a lot of them we own or would love to own!!

SOSO many cute clothing items for both boys & girls too!!

Walmart Baby Month ends in just 10 days!! Let me know what you end up getting!!

Weaning – My Experience


Let me start this by saying…
Never, I mean NEVER in my wildest dreams did I think I would be nursing my baby past 1 year.
I knew I wanted to breastfeed and I knew it would have its ups and downs.
My goal was to breastfeed for 1 year, I really never thought about weaning, I kind of just naively thought he would just want to stop once he turned one. (so ridiculous of me, I know) I had also heard so many stories from friends saying their babies just weaned themselves so part of me was also waiting for that…but every single time I thought he was close to weaning himself he’d start wanting to nurse all day every day and it was
E X H A U S T I N G.

I never imagined myself having a 17 month old who would throw an absolute fit if I didn’t give him the boob wherever and whenever he wanted it. It was HARD and I would get embarrassed. I didn’t mind nursing him at home, I actually loved and cherished our morning and bedtime nursing sessions SO much, it was one of the few times he was actually still and I could just look at him & soak him in. The morning and bedtime nursing sessions were my favorite & the ones I miss the most.

I don’t remember how old Hayes was when I really knew that I was ready to wean…The truth is I was never emotionally ready.
I was physically ready for sure. But the thought of it being “the last time” and the thought of my baby not needing me in that way really did devastate me and keep me holding on for a little too long. I remember seeing an instagram post of a mama videoing her last nursing session with her baby girl, she was sobbing and just kept telling her daughter that this was the last time and she’s going to be a big girl now. It hit SO close to home and I sobbed for days and days knowing that our time was coming soon.

I knew if I didn’t set a specific date to stop nursing Hayes that it just wasn’t going to happen and I was going to keep pushing it off…and then my friend Allison texted me letting me know she was offering “The Last Latch” photos on Friday July 26th.
So I decided that Friday would be our last day. I had a few days to mentally prepare myself and also stock up on snacks and new toys to keep Hayes occupied. I’ll talk more about that with y’all in a little bit!

I remember waking up Friday morning knowing it was going to be a day of lasts for us.
I picked Hayes up out of his crib and he would usually always sign for milk and tug on my shirt….
but he didn’t.
It was such a bittersweet moment, I didn’t nurse him that morning and that was really really hard for me but I was also super proud of him and it re assured me that he was ready.
Our photoshoot was around noon, and I really didn’t know what to expect.
I remember getting my hair & makeup done by my insanely talented friend, Bridgette, and talking to her about what was about to happen and how I felt about it all.
I didn’t know if I would feel comfortable nursing him with a camera in my face, or if I would feel weird and out of my element. I had no earthly idea what to expect but I’m happy to say it was SO incredibly special. I barely knew Allison was there and I just held my baby while he nursed and I cried. Cried because I was SO DANG proud of myself. Cried because I was so sad that such a special thing was coming to an end. Cried because I let other people opinions affect me for so long. Cried because I was so excited to have my body back. There were lots of reasons behind those tears but I remember just feeling an overwhelming amount of gratitude. Just so thankful for Hayes and his health and for the opportunity to be his mama.

I didn’t want that to be our last nursing session because I wanted it to be just him and I.
I wanted it to be at home in our usual spot, so I decided bedtime would be the last time.
I had a lot of anxiety before putting him to bed that night, I remember setting up my phone on Hayes’s book shelf and clicking record. The room was pitch black so I had no idea if it was even recording anything, I just knew I never wanted to forget that moment. I rocked him and nursed him and cried and cried because I knew that really was the last time.
We had gotten to the point where he didn’t nurse long, 15 minutes t0ps…so I made sure to cherish those 15 minutes.
Then I laid him down and walked out and cried on Kyle.
I did it.

The following days were shockingly easy. I don’t know if I was just insanely lucky or what. But I do have some tips & tricks for those of you wanting to wean soon! The #1 rule is to NEVER say “NO” when they ask to nurse. This is HUGE. It will only make them upset & feel confused and like they’re in trouble. I know Hayes pretty well and I would try and get a snack or a distraction before he would even ask to nurse. BUT if he did ask or tug on my shirt I would say something along the lines of “Hey do you want to go get a popsicle?!” in a really excited voice lol and that would usually do the trick. Hayes had A LOT of popsicles those following weeks. Also, be prepared to work a lot harder on keeping your baby busy and happy. I had no down time whatsoever and would constantly make sure he was happy and busy and entertained so I wouldn’t have to deal with seeing him sad about not getting the boob. I knew I couldn’t emotionally handle him being devastated about it so I did everything I could to distract him.

I was really worried about nap and bedtime because I have ALWAYs nursed him before those.
The first night after weaning I sat him on my lap and he was laying on my chest and he just let me rub his back and rock him, he has never done this so I was in complete shock. And then I kind of replaced nursing with rubbing his back.
That lasted for about a week or two. He would just lay down and want me to rub his back and be perfectly happy with it.
He quickly got over that and started throwing fits for naps and bedtime which was hard, I wanted SO badly to rock him or cuddle him or do ANYTHING for him but he would just fight and fight because he didn’t want to go to bed.
We’re at a point now where for naps we get his blankies and bear and I just lay him down and he typically goes down pretty quickly (depends on the day, some days we try and try & he doesn’t nap at all)
Night time has been good lately, We do bath, pajamas, books, brush teeth then lay down!
Hayes has never been super consistent with sleep so some weeks are good & some are really hard.
Just remember that it’s a big change for them too so if it doesn’t go smoothly at first, that’s normal!

Whenever Hayes would ask and distractions or snacks wouldn’t work I would just say “I’m so sorry Hayes, it’s gone gone, you drank it all baby, there’s no more” and just repeat that or things similar to that and hold him and love on him!

A lot of you asked if I replaced nursing with a bottle or anything and I tried! Hayes has never LOVED milk, he’ll only drink almond milk if anything, and he really doesn’t even love that. He’s gone weeks without drinking milk and his Dr said that’s perfectly fine as long as he’s getting other forms of dairy!! 

A lot of you also asked how my hormones and boobs were after weaning. I was SO lucky and they never got super full or engorged and I never experienced crazy hormones. I think it helped a lot that I had slowly weaned Hayes to just morning and night. Towards the end I was definitely nursing him more than morning and night BUT we had mostly weaned down to just twice a day. I think a lot of people experience the crazy hormones and engorgement when they have to stop abruptly. But you just never know!

We’ve officially reached the other side and he no longer asks and if he happens to see my boobs he just giggles or says “milk” but it ends there! haha I’m happy to say that he DOES still need me and our relationship is better than ever!

For all you mamas who are weaning soon, YOU’VE GOT THIS. Your baby will still need you, I promise!!
There are sososo many more amazing and special memories ahead and be you should be SO damn proud of yourself!

Hair & makeup : BespokenBeauty
Photography: LentillePhotography

Walmart Baby Registry – Must Have Items

Y’all, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but Walmart is majorly stepping up their game in every area!
I keep finding the cutest clothes for both me and Hayes (try on happening soon)!!
AND I swear they always have exactly what we need when it comes to baby items.
They’ve recently introduced a new personalized baby registry experience and y’all, I am SO impressed!!
My favorite thing about Walmart is that they’ve been able to provide SO much for us through every single phase of Hayes’s life.
Their toy selection has been a life saver for us lately!!
Linking so many of our favorites from birth to 18 months!

Every Girl Loves a SALE

Been a hot minute since I’ve come on here to share a sale with y’all but the items on sale at Nordstrom right now are just wayyyy too good not to post! There are so many great basics and staple pieces on sale right now, and I actually already own a good amount of these items!

These items sell QUICK, so I would order ASAP.
Hope y’all are having the best Thursday!!